Staring at the laptop screen is what I am doing now. I wait, waiting for something to appear on the screen. Finally, a conversation box appears. To me, it’s like waiting forever for the box to appear but it is only a few minutes. A sentence pops out.
“Hi there, how are you doing? J”
It is him, the one I love, the one that I cannot have for the person he love isn’t me.
“I’m doing fine. How about you?” I type.
“Doing well! When will you come back? It’s been a year and a half. Don’t you miss us?”
“I miss them and I especially miss you,” is what I wanted to say but I only say in my heart.
“Of course I miss you all but I can’t go back because of my work,” I type back.
It’s a lie.
For the next two years I stay overseas, fear of going back to my homeland to face him. I cannot bear to watch him with her.
“She agrees to be my wife! Can you believe it?!”
My heart almost stops beating and my blood run cold. With my hands shaking and trying hard not to cry, I type back, “congratulation! When will your wedding take place?”
“Two months later. Will you attend my wedding? I haven’t seen you for almost 4 years.”
“I wish I can but I’m booked for the next two, three months.”
I lied to him again.
I lied to him every time we chat.
“That’s too bad. I wish you can come. She wants you to be her bridesmaid.”
“Tell her I say thanks and that I am sorry for I cannot be her bridesmaid and attend your wedding.”
“Sure. I will. Oh, I need to go prepare the wedding. Bye.”
“Sorry the person is now offline……”
I cannot hold my tears anymore and I let them flow. My heart aches so much and the tears won’t stop coming out. I try not to online for the next one month but I still cannot stop thinking about him and so I open my email.
“Hey…” is what he type.
“Hi. How are you doing?” I type back.
“Have a fever. Now in hospital.” Is what he type back.
“How do you feel? What did the doctor said? Is it serious?” I furiously type back.
“Wow…slow down. It’s nothing serious. It’s just a fever.”
I calm down after reading his reply. I laugh at myself. Why am I worrying about him? He’s going to be someone else husband soon. Just forget about him. Yes, that is what I am going to do. For the next three month, I did not open my email anymore. I bury myself in works, trying not to think about him.
Then she calls me.
“He’s dying.”
I quickly ask for permission to go back to my homeland and as soon as I arrive to my homeland, I rushed to the hospital he is in. with the guidance from a nurse, I arrive to the room he’s in. I hesitate for a while. After a few deep breaths, I open the door and the scene in front of me shocks me.
He looks so pale and most of his body part is connected to medical equipment near to his bed. I slowly walk, trying to reduce the distance between us. She, his fiancée, left us alone. They didn’t get married because he had fallen sick. As if he feels my presence, he slowly opens his eyes and smile when he sees it’s me.
I hold back my tears, forcing myself to smile and say weakly, “Hey.”
“Hey,” he says weakly.
I finally cannot hold back my tears.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“I don’t want you to worry,” he says. “Can you sit next to me?”
I sit next to him and he smile at me.
“It’s been a long time since we see each other.”
I avoid his gaze and say, “Yes.”
For a moment we didn’t say anything.
He sigh and say, “I’m sorry.”
“No. I don’t want to hear about it. Please, I beg you,” I plead him.
He sigh and we didn’t talk. I excuse myself and went to see his fiancée.
“How much time?” I ask her. She knows what I am asking.
“One week left.”
I look outside, absorbing this news slowly.
“I know this is unfair to you but please, can I stay with him for the rest of the day he had left?”
I can see that she don’t want to but then she look at me. With a sigh, she agrees. One week is like a day to me. His condition is getting worse and worse each day. Time passes by so quick, so quick that it is like blinking your eyes for not more than a second.
Today is the seventh day. He looks so energetic; a little color is seen on his face. He did not look so pale. He asks me to take him to the garden. I hesitate but he insists and I give in. we stop near the fountain and I sit down on a bench, with him next to me.
I look at him and see that he is enjoying the view. He looks so lively, this scares me. Suddenly, he stares at me with a look that takes my breath away. Even though he is sick, his still look attractive to me.
“If there is next life, it will be my turn to wait for you. I will not let you wait for me again.” He smiles. His smile is filling with warmth.
He knows. He knows my feeling towards him and he had chosen to ignore it until now. I look at him. I know I am crying again. He wipes the tears away with his unusual cold finger and hugs me tightly.
“I will be the one waiting for you next time.”
I cry in his arms. His embrace suddenly weakens and I quickly break from his embrace. I stare at him. He’s still smiling, with his eyes closing. He had left this world. I embrace him tightly and weep.
“Goodbye, my love. If there is next life, I would like to meet you once again.” I say with sadness.
No comments:
Post a Comment